̽��ֱ�� of Cambridge - Stand Alone

Stigma of broken family relationships compounded by lockdown

jg533 — Thu, 18 Jun 2020 05:00:54 +0000

̽��ֱ��report, by researchers at the ̽��ֱ�� of Cambridge, Edge Hill ̽��ֱ�� and the UK-based charity Stand Alone, brings together over 800 responses to a survey sent out to the charity’s UK community. ̽��ֱ��survey asked individuals about the experience of being estranged from family during the current crisis, and how it has impacted them and their family relationships. Over half of the respondents said they felt more isolated now than they had before lockdown.

During the pandemic many estranged people have become more conscious of not having family to support them, for example to help with grocery shopping while they can’t go to the supermarket themselves. For some it has brought the realisation that their well-being is not important to other family members, and compounded the feeling of being unloved and uncared for.

78% of respondents had maintained the same level of non-contact with their estranged family member during lockdown, and 6% had experienced even less contact. One respondent said they hadn’t spoken to another person for over two months.

“There’s a lot of stigma around estrangement, and people in this situation have experienced it in a heightened way during lockdown. Many have become more aware that they have smaller support networks than others,” said Dr Susan Imrie at the ̽��ֱ�� of Cambridge’s Centre for Family Research, who was involved in the study.

̽��ֱ��researchers say the importance of family relationships has been highlighted repeatedly throughout lockdown in television advertising, news headlines and social media. But for those who were already estranged from family, the pandemic and the messages surrounding it have compounded feelings of stigma and social isolation.

“Since lockdown began there has been a lot of talk about what family members should be doing to support each other at this time of crisis. We’ve all been encouraged to keep in touch with relatives through Skype and FaceTime. But this has really compounded feelings of isolation for those who don’t have close family relationships,” said Dr Sarah Foley at the ̽��ֱ�� of Cambridge’s Centre for Family Research, who was also involved in the study.

It is estimated that over five million people in the UK are estranged from a family member, but despite being so common it is not something that is widely known about or discussed.

“Despite the assumption that family members will be a source of support during the COVID-19 crisis, this is not always the case. One in five families across the UK have no contact with an estranged family member, and this new report finds that very little has changed for them during the pandemic,” said Dr Becca Bland, CEO of Stand Alone.

Stand Alone supports people who have more challenging experiences of family, and who are estranged from their entire family or a key family member. ̽��ֱ��reasons behind estrangement in the community are varied: some are surviving abuse and neglect, others have been distanced for coming out as LGBT+ or for rejecting cultural, religious and political values. It is the only charity in the UK that works to support people who are estranged from family members.

̽��ֱ��results of this study will help Stand Alone understand how best to target support during the pandemic. ̽��ֱ��researchers also hope it will raise awareness of family estrangement so that it can be handled more sensitively as lockdown continues.

̽��ֱ��researchers say it is difficult to know the extent to which the survey respondents reflect the level of estrangement from family across the UK population as a whole.

A minority of the survey respondents who were estranged from family said they actually felt more connected during lockdown because everyone else was suddenly unable to see their family too. They hoped this might help others understand their situation better.

“Different people are being affected differently by the lockdown. Advice about coping shouldn’t assume that everyone has family relationships that are close and loving. Even subtle changes in the language used could have a really positive effect on people’s experiences,” said Dr Lucy Blake, Senior Lecturer in Children, Young People and Families at Edge Hill ̽��ֱ��, who was also involved in the study.

Reference
Family Estrangement and the COVID-19 Crisis: A closer look at how broken family relationships have been impacted by the COVID-19 crisis. Report by Dr Lucy Blake (Edge Hill ̽��ֱ��), Dr Becca Bland (Stand Alone), Dr Sarah Foley and Dr Susan Imrie (Centre for Family Research, ̽��ֱ�� of Cambridge).

Lockdown restrictions have not brought estranged family members closer together, and recent focus on the importance of family support has made dealing with the pandemic even more difficult for those with challenging family situations, a new study published today has found.

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Woman at home alone

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̽��ֱ�� pledges support to students estranged from their families

ps748 — Fri, 14 Dec 2018 11:26:19 +0000

A pledge letter to the charity, Stand Alone, shows a commitment to improving the student experience for those who study without family support.

Recent research reveals that 86% of students rely on parental and familial support during their time at ̽��ֱ��. However, around 9,000 UK students have bo contact or relationship with their families, leaving them financially, materially and emotionally vulnerable during their studies. Accounts of student life show that estranged students often become homeless over summer and have to stay in student accommodation alone over the Christmas holiday period. These students may be up to three times more likely to drop out of ̽��ֱ��.

Estranged students are commonly LGBT+ students who were rejected by their families after coming out, children of immigrant families who reject practices such as forced marriage or FGM, or children who are distanced after divorce and remarriage. There are also a proportion of estranged students who've been disowned for pursuing education against the wishes of their family or extended family network.

̽��ֱ�� ̽��ֱ�� has joined others, including the ̽��ֱ�� of Oxford, in pledging to create additional institutional support for those students who may be struggling because their families aren't behind them.

It commits to giving estranged students a non-repayable enhanced bursary to assist with financial struggles, and will ensure estranged young people are housed over the holiday periods. Further changes will follow after a full audit of their provision.

Professor Graham Virgo, Senior Pro-Vice-Chancellor (Education) at the ̽��ֱ�� of Cambridge said:

“ ̽��ֱ�� ̽��ֱ�� of Cambridge understands that students studying without the support of their family may experience additional challenges. We are committed to helping estranged students meet their full potential at Cambridge by providing a comprehensive package of support. We will also aim to raise awareness among staff and students at Cambridge of estranged students, the barriers they face and the support available to them.”

̽��ֱ�� ̽��ֱ��'s pledge letter may be found on Stand Alone's website.

̽��ֱ�� ̽��ֱ�� of Cambridge has made an enhanced commitment to supporting students without relationships with their family.

We are committed to helping estranged students meet their full potential at Cambridge

Professor Graham Virgo

Students walking down Trinity Lane, Cambridge

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Unhappy families: Nine out ten adults estranged from family find Christmas difficult

cjb250 — Thu, 10 Dec 2015 00:00:46 +0000

Hidden Voices – Family Estrangement in Adulthood, a collaboration between the charity Stand Alone and the Centre for Family Research at the ̽��ֱ�� of Cambridge, is the first in depth piece of UK research on family estrangement. It examines the experiences of over 800 people who self-identify as being estranged from their whole family or a key family member, such as their mother, father, siblings or children.

Becca Bland, Chief Executive of Stand Alone, says: “Family is a huge part of our individual and collective lives and an unconditionally loving, supportive group of relations is idealised in society. Yet this is not always attainable for those who are estranged from their family or a family member. I’m sure this research will be challenging to read, but I’m hopeful that as a society we have the strength to keep listening to people in this position, with the view to eventually understanding why our adult family relationships are not always as unconditionally close and supportive as we might wish and imagine them to be.”

̽��ֱ��report provides an understanding of family estrangement and its characteristics as well as detailing the challenges participants faced when living without contact with family or a key family member. Common factors that contribute to relationship breakdown with parents, siblings and children include emotional abuse, clashes of personality and values, and mismatched expectations about family roles and relationships.

However, estrangement does not necessarily mean there is no contact between family members. A minority of respondents have minimal contact with the person they are estranged from. Similarly, estrangements are not always stable, and cycling in and out of estrangement is not uncommon. Those who wished their estranged relationships could be different wanted a relationship that was more positive, unconditionally loving, warm and emotionally close.

Most often, respondents who were estranged from an adult child reported that their daughter or son had cut contact with them. Of those who had initiated estrangement from a parent, respondents had done so at various ages, with most doing so in their late 20s and early 30s.

̽��ֱ��report shows that the festive period is often the most challenging time for those touched by family estrangement and can be a key time of isolation and vulnerability, with 90% of respondents saying they found the Christmas period a key time of challenge. Other challenging times were reported as birthdays (85%), being around other families (81%) and the death of family members (79%).

“Almost every estranged person finds Christmas the hardest period,” explains Dr Lucy Blake from the Centre for Family Research. “There’s a strong societal expectation of what a family looks like. Social media plays a part too because it’s a highlight reel of people’s family lives, with Facebook feeds filled with pictures of families celebrating together. ̽��ֱ��reality doesn’t always look like this, but people often find it difficult to talk about that.”

Stigma around the topic of family estrangement is also an issue: two-thirds (68%) of respondents felt that there was stigma around the topic of family estrangement and described feeling judged and feeling as if they were contradicting societal expectations. One in four respondents had turned to their GP for support but reported finding them not at all helpful.

However, not all experiences of estrangement were negative. Around four out of five respondents felt there had been some positive outcomes of their experiences of estrangement, such as greater feelings of freedom and independence.

Reference
Lucy Blake, Becca Bland and Susan Golombok. Hidden Voices – Family Estrangement in Adulthood. 10 December 2015

A new report looking at the experiences of people who are estranged from family members and the challenges they face has highlighted the particular difficulties associated with Christmas.

Social media plays a part because it’s a highlight reel of people’s family lives, with Facebook feeds filled with pictures of families celebrating together

Lucy Blake

Christopher Michel

Lonely nights (cropped)

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Opinion: Christmas is the hardest time of year for those estranged from close family

Anonymous — Wed, 09 Dec 2015 16:55:05 +0000

With Christmas just around the corner, many will be finalising plans to see their families over the festive period. Yet for others, family relationships are challenging, distant and a source of pain. In some cases, relationships break down entirely leaving people estranged from close relatives.

Results from a new online survey of people estranged from family members that I conducted with the charity Stand Alone, has shown how difficult Christmas can be. ̽��ֱ��survey was completed by 807 people who identified as being estranged from a parent, sibling or an adult child.

Almost all identified the holiday season as the most challenging time of year, describing feelings of loneliness, isolation and sadness. These feelings and experiences are in direct contrast to the idealised images of happy families around the dinner table that feature in Christmas advertising and the media at this time of year. One respondent said:

Everyone always says ‘what family plans do you have for holidays?’ and look at you funny when you say none. It’s hard to explain to people why you don’t want to be with your own parents.

Two-thirds of the respondents felt there was a stigma about family estrangement. They described feeling judged or blamed – and feeling that estrangement was a taboo subject about which there is little understanding or acknowledgement.

An advert for the German supermarket Edeka focuses on families living apart.

No two estranged relationships looked alike. Yet common factors often led to estrangement, such as having mismatched expectations about family roles and relationships, clashes in personality and values, and emotional abuse.

Estrangement was found to be more complex than simply a lack of contact or communication between family members. Although most of the respondents who were estranged from a parent, sibling or an adult child had no contact whatsoever with this individual, approximately 25% had contact that was minimal in nature. These results are similar to those of Australian social worker Kylie Aglias, who has distinguished between family members who have no contact at all (physical estrangement) and those whose contact is infrequent, perfunctory, and often uncomfortable (emotional estrangement).

We also found that estranged relationships change over time and that cycles in and out of estrangement are common. Of those who said they wished that their estranged relationship was different, most wanted a relationship that was more loving, warm and emotionally close.

What can be done to help?

When it came to getting support, respondents said those friends and support services which offered them emotional and practical support and took the time to listen to them and show them understanding were the most helpful. They found it unhelpful when they felt friends or counsellors dismissed them or when they felt they had been judged and blamed for the estrangement.

It would be wrong to assume that all those experiencing estrangement wish for there to be reconciliation in the future. Feelings about the future of estranged relationships were varied. Of those who were estranged from a mother or father, most felt that there would never be a functional relationship between them in the future. Yet for those who were estranged from an adult son or daughter, most felt that there could be a functional relationship in the future or were unsure of the future direction of the relationship.

Four out of five respondents also reported that there had been a positive outcome from their experience of estrangement. These included feeling more free and independent, feeling happier and less stressed, and having gained a greater insight or understanding of themselves and relationships more broadly.

By listening to the hidden voices of people who are estranged from close relatives, we can begin to move beyond assumptions about what families could or should look like and begin conversations about families and family relationships as they really are.

Lucy Blake, Research Associate at the Centre for Family Research, ̽��ֱ�� of Cambridge, ̽��ֱ�� of Cambridge

This article was originally published on ̽��ֱ��Conversation. Read the original article.

̽��ֱ��opinions expressed in this article are those of the individual author(s) and do not represent the views of the ̽��ֱ�� of Cambridge.

Lucy Blake (Centre for Family Research) discusses family estrangement and the particular difficulties associated with Christmas.

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Alone on Christmas

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